Inside the writer’s studio: the making of a boring company blurb
I’m writing my company blurb. You may think it’s boring. I think it’s impressive.
If it’s good enough for big, important companies, it’s good enough for me.
This is my first day using my new, enterprise-class company blurb to pitch my services.
Let’s have a conversation!
You: Hi Kelly. What’s up?
Me: Hi. I’m Kelly Parkinson. An innovative, industry-leading copywriter with cutting-edge marketing solutions, superior copywriting capabilities, deep insights, and the proven ability to get bottom- and top-line results for leading global companies around the world.
You: Why are you talking funny?
Me: Whatever do you mean?
You: I don’t understand a word you just said. I mean, I understood the individual words, but together they formed a convergence of confusion.
Me: Let me simplify things for you a bit. I’m innovative. That’s all you need to know.
You: Oh! I’ve been waiting for someone truly innovative to come along. What makes you innovative?
Me: I help people solve problems. But I do it in this really high-tech way that you’ve never heard of and that I can’t tell you about because it’s patented. It’s my secret sauce. I can’t describe it in any detail without giving away my formula, but I did give it a great name. Do you want to hear it?
You: Sure.
Me: Sign here first, please.
You: An NDA?
Me: Lawyer’s orders. It’s called the Linguistic Marketing Capacitator. It’s the engine powering all of my copy for my clients so they can save more time and earn more money.
You: Wow. Okay.
Me: I’d love to have a conversation with you sometime to further explore whether we might be able to work together.
You: Well, I’m in the middle of something right now. And I still don’t understand what it is you do or how you can help me solve my problems.
Me: It sounds like you just need more information.
You: Yes! I need to understand how exactly you can help me.
Me: Why don’t I send you my datasheet, brochure, and white paper, and add you to my once-a-week enewsletter? Also, I will add you to my lead tracking system and keep following up with you so we can develop a relationship and, over time, I can reveal myself to you. By this time next year, you’re going to be so impressed with everything I can do!
You: Sure. See ya!
Would you hire me with this pitch? What went wrong?
I modeled it after the leading companies. I used the word “innovative.” I sounded intelligent.
I failed to connect.
You wanted someone to speak to you in clear, jargon-free language. And you wanted someone to speak to you in terms of the problems I could help solve.
So, what’s good for the big, important company wasn’t necessarily good for me. And, I’d argue, it isn’t good for that company, either.
Why not let the boring companies confuse and obfuscate, while you connect clearly with your target audience in a human, authentic voice?
Here are a few tips:
If your blurb uses any word you wouldn’t actually say in real life,
if it focuses on you and not on the problems you help solve,
if it uses 3-syllable words with abandon,
abandon it!
It’s just going to cause you–and everyone who hears it–significant emotional distress.
Stop focusing on yourself and on perfecting the ultimate description.
Focus on your customers.
It’s the only way to truly impress them.
2 Responses to “Inside the writer’s studio: the making of a boring company blurb”
This post should be required reading before we all accidentally bore each other to death at SBA classes, networking events, real live elevators, etc.
Not to mention all the poor people who actually want to hire us that we’re scaring off with our robotic elevator pitches. I’ve said it before and will keep saying it: your stuff is so, so, so great.
Thanks, Havi, aka choir! I guess we all have a dark, boring, robotic side just waiting to come out. I just have to read through some of my college english lit essays.